I don’t remember if I’ve posted this before, and don’t really care. I like it. Soooo, good afternoon from the corner of Gibson and San Mateo in Albuquerque, NM. I used to live not too far from this. I think it has an actual name, but the locals just call it “Car on a Stick”. If I remember correctly, it’s an actual car up there. Or, the body of it at least. I dunno. Look it up your own damn self.
I just want you to know that I had to move some Christmas decorations out of storage today, so I’m covered in glitter. I haven’t been at the strip club all day, I promise.
— T, constructing his alibi. This was right after he told me that he only called because he heard Nine Inch Nails’ “Closer” on the radio and thought of me. He knows how to sweet-talk the ladies.
But when I walk to the bathroom every time the phone rings at work and let the mail pile up in my inbox for a few weeks, I’m a “slacker” and “not doing my job”. Such crap.
illustratedexample:
katerade:
illustratedexample:
alaskamiller:
illustratedexample:
AmeriCorps, I have no interest in going to shitty ass Sacramento, so stop giving me all sorts of listings up there. If I wanted to move to a farm town, I’d go to Iowa.
whoa, there, buster. sacramento ain’t some hickass farm town; it’s just a shitty town. the americorps programs there are more boring but volunteering is volunteering.
Fair enough. My only experience with Sacramento was missing a turn on the freeway and ending up driving around there for about half an hour or so.
Yeah, IllEx. There’s also crime, and overpriced housing, and asshat Raiders fans. You’re really missing the boat here. (Seriously, get a different assignment if you can. I hear that Compton is lovely this time of year.)
Jeez lady I know, I’d rather be in SoCal anyways. I don’t know what’d be worse though: Raiders fans who would probably cut me if they found out I was a Bronco fan, or douchey Laserface fans.
I haven’t been assigned anywhere yet, I’m still applying.
You know, that’s funny- I was thinking the exact same thing at lunch re: Raiders vs Chargers. I honestly have to say that I think Chargers fans are worse, because they’re all SUCH bandwagoners. Raiders fans embrace the suck.
Much like us Broncos fans. :(
illustratedexample:
alaskamiller:
illustratedexample:
AmeriCorps, I have no interest in going to shitty ass Sacramento, so stop giving me all sorts of listings up there. If I wanted to move to a farm town, I’d go to Iowa.
whoa, there, buster. sacramento ain’t some hickass farm town; it’s just a shitty town. the americorps programs there are more boring but volunteering is volunteering.
Fair enough. My only experience with Sacramento was missing a turn on the freeway and ending up driving around there for about half an hour or so.
Yeah, IllEx. There’s also crime, and overpriced housing, and asshat Raiders fans. You’re really missing the boat here. (Seriously, get a different assignment if you can. I hear that Compton is lovely this time of year.)
I fucking love you, man. That’s just great. “C’mon, drink with me. OH COME ON AND HAVE A DRINK, CHRIST, SON!” And she’s all “Lady, it’s 2AM, what the fuck is wrong with you?
—
Ward, who just sent me this excerpt from a long-ago email, in which I detailed attempting to get my fellow airplane passenger to have a cocktail with me on a redeye to New York.
Seriously though, you do NOT want to be seated next to me on a long flight. I’m squirmy, I’m fidgety, I’m constantly dicking around with the contents of my carry-on bag, sometimes I sing along with my ipod, and I invariably have one too many drinks, which render the above actions that much more annoying. I’m sorry, really I am.
But I have Vitamin Water and a SQUIRT! and I even cooked last night, because midnight is a perfectly reasonable time to prepare a pasta dish.
And I definitely recall saying- repeatedly, and probably for my own benefit- “See? Isn’t this so much better than the taco shop?”
No. No it wasn’t.
On tonight’s menu, Hot Dogs Ole. I’d give you the recipe, but I’d have to kill you.
See? Punchy.
